where should i be?

...the feeling of longing is starting to bud...
take note: starting.

what do i really want to do with my life? what's wrong?..am i willing to lose my best friends? i'm totally confused for a part of me doesn't like to lose them..and the other part is that i want to brush them away. di ko naman talaga sila pinagtatabuyan,pero i'm not accepting also. you can't stand them but you want them to stand still. this is quite unfair for their part for it seems their efforts are worthless. they've already attempted to crack this clam of mine, but each attempt was just brushed away by me. *sigh...i don't know what i'm doing anymore. my only way of surviving this rampage is to totally shut myself out of their lives. i'll never bother them again...forever. that'll be easier for me lalo na't patapos na ang high school eventually malalayo talaga ako sa kanila. pero, gusto ko nga ba talagang malayo?...itatapon ko na lng ba lahat nung napagsamahan namen?...kaya ko bang mabuhay out of guilt in the future? ... will i never regret these in the future?.. regret's one of the harsh things in this world and i don't want to be regretful.

haaaay...di ko na talaga alam kung saan ako lulugar. i'm so weak tama si phi. (as if siya malakas..hmph!). i'm not sure what's suppossed to be my disposition. grrrgh...i'm lost... all the pieces are falling one by one... if this rampage is not ceased for these remaining days,it might be too -tooo- late.

right now...i'm going offline and lay out all my cards on the table..i'll have to gamble.
i'm gonna call her now.. try to fix and save what's need to be saved.

aja!(ahehe..)
-_-

[pay your debts]